All Hallow's Eve Eve

All Hallow's Eve Eve

We didn't go to lunch at Olive Garden today, but as we walked into our Leisure World Olive Garden for dinner, there were five black clad figures standing at the hostess podium. An ominous greeting on all hallow's eve eve. Granted, Olive Garden employees are always clad in black, and there are always three, often four, people manning the hostess podium. For some reason five just seemed excessive though.

When we went to be seated, Ariel spotted some friends of ours at a corner table. They have three little girls, and as we talked with our friends, the youngest pooped at the table. In her diaper of course, but how weird is that, no one else could get away with pooping at the table while everyone else was eating. She later used her hand to drink, by dipping it in her mom's glass, and licking the liquid from her fingers. We really lose our freedom when we grow up.

We were served by Unconvincing Accountant, so named for her thick glasses and ponytail, she served us a few times last year, but this was our first time with her this year. I got the salad with ranch, instead of italian. It was a nice change, but when Unconvincing Accountant brought it out to the table, and we could smell the ranch, Ariel almost upchucked. The whole place seemed particularly pungent last night. Maybe just because it was all hallow's eve eve, so Ariel and my werewolf senses were heightened. 

We were seated next to a large family, at least three generations. The patriarch, the creepy grandfather, had a digital camera with a zoom lens. He occupied his time taking up close pictures of his granddaughter at the other side of the table. Weirdo.

On the other side of us were two geeky guys. Maybe father and son, but they were both gamer stereotypes. They could have hosted a radio show called, Geeky Guys Gossip About Girls. My favorite line was, "Yeah, but she hugged you, and said you were a good guy. So you've got that." Poor guys. 

I ordered the Rigatoni with Pesto Alfredo and Crispy Chicken Fritta. What was brought out was the wrong rigatoni. I think it was called sausage rigatoni. It wasn't brought out by Unconvincing Accountant, but by someone else. I said I'd eat it, but Unconvincing brought out my real order quickly. She made sure that we knew "for the record" that it wasn't her mistake, because she knows we keep a record.

As we ate I came to a terrifying realization about the creepy grandpa family. As I watched, the teenage son used the digital camera to snap pictures of his mother's eye up close. They both laughed, and tried to get the better pictures, the way 12 year old girls did the first time they had their hands on digital cameras. I then realized that this family was a family of halloween risers. That is to say, they are dormant for 10 years, then rise from their hibernation state on all hallow's eve. As I watched, I saw more evidence. Their fashion choices were outdated. the father had a smartphone out, had his nose almost pressed into it, trying to figure out its function. They all had ordered specialty drinks, raspberry lemonade, smoothies, and the like, sparing no expense. But no alcohol, it must mess with their supernatural sleep. Then, the smartphone user showed the grandfather new guns that he'd looked up on the internet. Definitely halloween risers.

Visit 38

Monetary value: $32.35

Total: $1,282.98

Weight Fluctuation today: -1.8 lbs

Total:  + 4.4lbs 

Day 26

Genie for Lunch, Teens for Dinner

Genie in a Bowl

Oh man are we getting tired of pasta. We had the Pasta Pass last year too, but we lasted until almost the end before we were sick of it. We think it's because we are going for both lunch and dinner this year, that we seem to be losing our taste for pasta. But we can't stop. Won't stop. We will keep eating.

As I walked into the building for lunch, I happened upon these two:

Look at how ridiculous that woman's attire is, and I don't even feel like this picture does it justice. 

The hostesses at the business district Olive Garden don't seem to recognize us. Everyone, or almost everyone, at the Leisure World Olive Garden, where we eat dinner, recognizes us now. Not the case for those business class hostesses. Ariel walks by them everyday to meet me without asking for a table, and today they stopped her and asked if she was picking up take out. Recognize us!

We were served by the gang boss, but Ariel made the observation that he looks, walks, and talks like a genie. She was right. And, as I made closer observations of his tattoos, one was a "G" for genie (not gangster). 

Boom! Look at them croutons. 

Right after our soup and salad showed up, our food did. It was almost instantaneous, like, as if we'd wished for it, like, from a genie. 

Hadn't even touched the salad. Had like, two bites of soup. Ate Tri-color Vegetable Penne with Asiago Garlic Alfredo, and Crispy Shrimp Fritta. Lately I've been craving the protein the shrimp provides. 

At a table next to us, two unattractive, heavy women were streaming a tv show on their phone while they ate. Volume up, so everyone could hear. What a weird society we're creating.

Because I didn't have time to fill up on soup and breadsticks, I even ordered another bowl. I wanted more shrimp.

Round two bowls are super small. And mine didn't have any shrimp. Come on guys! I'd be super pissed if I'd paid the extra to have shrimp, but as a member of the pasta elite, I let it slide. 

Visit 36:

Monetary value: $36.12

Total: $1,219.42

Teen Man Date

Pink Hair, the hostess, is trying so hard to remember our names, I bet she gets it next time. There was a wait and when we were finally seated it was in a section close to seven teen boys at a table. What are seven teen boys doing at Olive Garden? Eating Never Ending Pasta Bowls, that's what. 

So our server had 12 people to take care of, needless to say, she was a little overwhelmed. So much so, that Pink Hair came back, took our drink orders, and brought them out. She was much nicer about Ariel getting a Limeade with grenadine than Miss Priss was last night. She was worried though, because it was the first time she'd ever made a drink with grenadine. Ariel said it was great. 

I got the Fagioli soup, it was salty. 

As overwhelmed as our server was, she didn't let it show. The teens all ordered round two, switching up their desired pastas and sauces. They even ordered different toppings, and made some weird combos. I just don't get why they were there. As a teen I never would have paid extra for toppings, let alone switching toppings up between bowls. 

In my quest for protein, I got Rigatoni with Traditional Meat Sauce and Italian Sausage. It didn't seem to help. I think I need to stick to the alfredos for a while, the red sauces have not been treating me well.

And my entire dinner tonight was not very photogenic.

Visit 37

Monetary value: $31.27

Total: $1,250.63

Weight Fluctuation today: -1 lbs

Total:  + 7.2lbs 

Day 25

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink Miss Priss

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

At the business district Olive Garden for lunch, we were sat in one of the huge booths again. It was an empty restaurant again. I feared being ignored like I was yesterday, but I was served by a very smiley server, that we'd had before. She remembered that I was a quick draw orderer, that is, that I ordered everything right away, even before Ariel arrives. She had our Dr.Peppers out in no time, and kept them from going empty. Smiley is the kind of server that should work those lonely big booths. 

The booths filled up quickly today. In the table next to mine, an old lady sat down alone. Not long after, her husband walked up and said, "Could you get a bigger table?" Either his wife was sick of his jokes, or she really thought he wanted a bigger table. They may not look it, but these booths are huge. 

The old people were being served by a girl who looked like she would have been my mom's childhood friend. I know that's a strange reference, but stick with me. My mom is now very cool, but growing up, her best friends were books. Her hair was poofy, her glasses large, her clothes homemade. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with any of that, but this girl looked like she would have been friends with that version of my mother. So, as Ariel walked to join me at my giant booth, my mom's best friend said, "I love your shirt!"

Now for a little on my wife's shirt. My wife works in an office building. In this office building one woman started to wear a certain shirt on a certain day. Then another woman bought one and they started wearing them on the same day. Soon the boss of the office building was buying the shirt for every woman. This is that shirt:

Ok, so it's a shirt that is supposed to support breast cancer awareness, fine. But it's also a neon pink, 80's style sweatshirt, with a Mean Girls quote on it. Hardly the type of shirt to wear in a business office. But wear it they do. 

I ate the salad and Mezzaluna Ravioli with Five Cheese Marinara and Crispy Chicken Fritta. It fought me for the rest of the day. I think the salad dressing coated my lungs or something, it did not sit well. 

Visit 34:

Monetary value: $38.80

Total: $1,147.18

Miss Priss

At dinner in our Leisure World Olive Garden, I left the table right after being seated to use the restroom. I got stuck in the hallway behind a whale. This woman weighed 400lbs, was carrying a romance novel, and smelled, well, like a whale. She hobbled slowly down the hall, and I patiently walked behind her. Then, as we walked by a manager talking to a server, she stopped. She held up a ziosk receipt with no ink on it, and said, "This is my receipt." The manager explained that he could print her another one. She said it was fine, and stuck it in the book, like a bookmark. All while, I stood behind them impatiently. MOVE OUT THE WAY! They completely clogged the hall. The whale began her migration again. As we walked by the host podium, the whale turned and headed for the bathroom. "Are you kidding me," I actually whispered. So together, we  s l o w l y  made our way to the restrooms.

As I got back to the table, our server, a pinch faced girl, was setting down our drinks. I noticed that Ariel had ordered the limeade with grenadine. I sat down and said "Thank you." The server said nothing, threw down the straws and stalked away. Easy there Miss Priss! I asked Ariel, "Is she like that, or...?" Ariel said she was, and that apparently Miss Priss hated Ariel for ordering the limeade with grenadine. When Ariel had asked for it, Miss Priss had said, "Well, if that's what you want, I can do that," and again stalked away. 

When Miss Priss brought out our soups and breadsticks I again said thank you. She said nothing. I'm was trying not to laugh at the disdain clear on her face. Finally she breaks her silence, "Cheese?" When we declined she walked away. That's it. One word. Hilarious.

After that, she seemed to get over her grudge. She checked on us, and gave us the common courtesy required of a server. But Ariel dared not order a refill. 

I got the Cavatappi with Pesto Alfredo and Crispy Shrimp Fritta. Jean, the manager, came over and we talked about how sick of pasta we must be. She said that if we wanted we could just get the salad and skip the pasta. But why on earth would we do that, when we could get them both?

Visit 35:

Monetary value: $36.12

Total: $1,183.30

Weight Fluctuation today: +2.6 lbs

Total:  + 8.2lbs in 24 days

An Intimate Lunch and Mormon Take Out

Today was a bit different. We had the Mormon Missionaries over for dinner, so we did a To Go order, and it was wonderful. But first, we had an intimate lunch.

An Intimate Lunch

Ariel and I went to the business district Olive Garden for lunch, and it was empty. We didn't even go early. We got sat in a booth, a huge booth, a booth for eight. And there was no one around us. It was super weird. It was like our own Olive Garden refuge, with a weird light fixture.

We sat in our booth, together, alone. We listened to a rendition of Mr. Brightside by Paul Anka, which I highly recommend ( https://youtu.be/OIZU1_Irm9Y ). And then finally our server, Curly Sue came to take our order. 

Curly Sue was the exact opposite of Asian Kitty (see yesterday). She was pretty slow to get to us. And then she wanted to small talk with us (which is fine if it's not compensating for something, which with Curly Sue it was). She took our order, brought out our drinks and soups, and then we didn't see her again.

You would think that giant potato chunks would be delightful in the Zuppa Toscana, but it didn't do anything for me. 

Our food was brought out by a food runner with a higher voice than someone with a high voice. Rigatoni with Pesto Alfredo and Crispy Chicken Fritta. Soon after, our Dr.Peppers ran dry. 

Herein lies the problem with your own Olive Garden oasis, no one sees you. I tried to catch anyone's eye, no luck. Curly Sue didn't come back. It went on so long I even used the "call server" function on the ziosk, no help. I was stuck sucking up melted ice. 

When the time for the check came, Curly Sue tried to make a joke about us not wanting refills on our pasta, saying how could we give up with just one bowl, if their record was 14. Let's worry about refilling drinks before we worry about refilling pasta, eh Curly Sue? She did bring more drinks after we'd gotten the check, but not To Go cups. Too little, too late. 

Visit 32:

Monetary value: $32.35

Total: $1,043.68

Mormon Take Out

The Mormon Missionaries texted me and said they needed to be fed tonight. No problem I told them. The cool thing about To Go orders with the Pasta Pass, is that you can get two meals at once. The Pasta Pass allows for as many dine in meals as your body can handle everyday, and two To Go orders a day. Luckily, you can order both those meals at the same time. I just did two separate orders, one for my pass, one for Ariel's

So I got four Never Ending Pasta Bowls, two salads, two soups, Dr.Peppers, like nine breadsticks, and a bunch of mints, for free. I loaded it all into my car and drove it home. 

The Elders in our ward are the Japanese speaking elders, well two of them are. They are a threesome and the other one is from Idaho. One Japanese speaking Elder is from Japan, the other Hawaii. The only Elder that had ever eaten Olive Garden before, was the Elder from Japan. Disgraceful. 

Visit 33:

Monetary value: $64.70

Total: $1,108.38

Weight Fluctuation today: -1.2 lbs

Total:  + 5.6lbs from beginning weight, I lost my 200lbs status... for now. 

This is 200!

Asian Kitty

When Ariel and I went to Olive Garden for lunch, I was super excited to end my fast. Not that I was like, actually fasting, but my fast from Olive Garden. I hadn't been for over 40 hours. I totally know what Jesus went through for those 40 days and 40 nights. I needed something restorative. Do you know what Jesus ended his fast on? Neither do I. But safe money is on bread. Olive Garden has some good bread, in the form of sticks. Dip those sticks in the Chicken and Gnocchi soup and you've got yourself an instant fasting cure.

Our server for the afternoon was Kitty, the mom from That  70's Show, if Kitty were an Asian Olive Garden server. I loved every moment of her. After she brought out our soups, she made a special trip back to give us extra napkins. I felt like it was her way of telling us we eat like pigs, in a loving mother sort of way. 

There was a large family seated next to us talking about Robert De Niro. Apparently they loved his work in "The Intern," even though one of the aunt's friend got asked out by him in Europe when his head was shaved, and he was a jerk about it. I don't know. She wasn't my aunt. I don't trust her. 

Asian Kitty came by with more Dr.Pepper before our glasses were empty, and just to check up.

The Cavatappi with Asiago Garlic Alfredo and Crispy Shrimp Fritta is good for what ails ya'. 

Three minutes after the food runner brought out our food, Asian Kitty came over, said, "Alright.... Enjoy...," and left. That was it. The whole point was just to come see our food was right, and if we were happy. We were. She knew she didn't have to ask a question, just observe.

Asian Kitty brought our check. She was fast. she kept our glasses from being empty, she checked on us, but didn't force conversation, and she offered to get us togo cups for more Dr.Pepper. Needless to say, Asian Kitty is my favorite server we've had so far. 

Visit: 30

Monetary value: $36.12

Total: $973.07

This is 200!

That's the movie line right? Gerald Butler screams "THIS IS 200!!" and boots a dude down a well. Pretty sure I'm right.

For dinner, I was hidden in the shrubbery.

I was seated alone, as Ariel was on her way from work. And for that reason it took awhile before I was noticed and could order. Our server was a kid who looked like a man boy, and who I will cleverly call Man Boy. He was dead inside. He took my order, and gave drinks to his other table, all as if he'd just gotten the news that his favorite character from Sex in the City had been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Ariel somehow found her way back behind the bushes to dine with me, and that changed Man Boy's outlook on life 300 fold. Our food was brought out by a food runner not long after she showed up. Man Boy slide out from behind her and said, "OOhh, things are happening!" He then kept up that level of enthusiasm throughout the night. Ariel just makes everyone's day better.

I got the Mezzaluna Ravioli with Alfredo sauce and the Chicken Meatballs. It looked like an Elephant.

And it tasted like an elephant. Seriously. It was a super gross combination. I took one bite of the three ingredients together, and almost ralphed. It's like my worst fears about chicken meatballs were made reality with this combination. It was like gritty, and tasted grey. So I pushed off the meatballs and just ate the ravioli with the alfredo, which still wasn't a great combo. But, my lesson was learned. Chicken Meatballs only with red sauce, apparently. 

Visit 31:

Monetary value: $38.26

Total: $1,011.33

Weight Fluctuation today: +2.6 lbs

Total:  + 7.8lbs from beginning weight, which means I HIT THE 200LBS MARK! I feel triumphant, and out of breath. It means I have to start exercising. Also, I'm pretty glad it took over 1,000 bucks to get me over the 200lbs mark. 

Saturday Night and We in the Olive Garden

Saturday Night and We in the Olive Garden

It's eight pm on a Saturday evening. Do you know where your James and Ariel are? I bet you do. Because it's Olive Garden. Where we always are.  

When we approached the Leisure World Olive Garden, we walked through a large family group. The father figure, the patriarch, was sternly admonishing his brood with the likes of "Get. off. the. wall." and "You Can't Go In There!" Then he audibly sighed. Being a parent is hard.

There was this clean cut host kid that took us back to our table. He was being very friendly and asking us questions about the Pasta Pass, and I don't know, maybe it's because I was tired, but I just did not want to be friends with him. Stop trying to make friends with us Clean Cut. I'm tired. 

We were sat in a corner, and on the wall next to us was this:

Gross, I know. It was more by Ariel. When she wasn't looking, I scrapped it off with a menu, and it bounced toward her. It kind of looked like it went to land on her leg, but I didn't see. I also didn't tell her. Sucker.

The goober on the wall got Ariel looking at the plates on the wall. Olive Garden has decorative plates on the wall. It's a thing. There are even decorative plate wall hanging things that you can buy at the store. But Olive Garden don't got time for that. they just plaster their plates to the wall and call it good.

As we had our heads pressed against the wall in examination, our waitress came up to take our order. And laughed at us. Most servers wouldn't be able to pull off laughing at their tables, but she was like a little kitten, super sweet, so we let it slide. 

Kitten brought Ariel's salad and said, "Sorry. I made a huge salad. It's a little intimidating." See? Who would be intimidated by a salad, except a little kitten?

In the room with us, was a huge Mexican family. The presiding authority of which was an Aztec queen. She was huge, and loud, and everyone looked to her for approval. Her young subjects played all the ziosk games their hearts desired, nothing but the best for them. Her adult subjects ordered dessert and more wine. She herself drank red wine with a deathgrip on the glass, and picked her teeth with the reckless abandon only afforded to royalty. She was a sight to behold. 

When she and her court left, the destruction of the room took three people to clean up. (also how sweet is that car seat hammock? why are we all sitting in chairs when we could be sitting in hammocks?)

I wanted the Tri-colored Vegetable Penne with Pesto Alfredo and Crispy Shrimp Fritta to hit the spot again. Like a champ, it did (but I also took home some and reheated it latter, and the alfredo reheated is uber gross). 

As we continue to eat at Olive Garden, the servers recognize us more and greet us enthusiastically.It's weird, because we don't know eachothers names, but recognize each other. The problem is, I do know the nickname I've given them in my blog, and I'm worried about the day when I say, "Hey Man Bun!" or "What's up Jasmine?" or just walk by, nod my head, and say "Mexula." These are my concerns.

Visit 29:

Monetary value: $32.89

Total: $936.95

Weight Fluctuation today: +2.4 lbs

Total:  + 5.2lbs from beginning weight

The Post with No Pictures

The Post with No pictures

Ariel and I did not go to Olive Garden for lunch, which meant that I was starving by the time we went for dinner. Nothing fills you up like some OG breadsticks. 

Friday night at our Leisure World Olive Garden was packed. We had to wait twenty minutes for a table. I deliberately sat on a bench close to a three year old girl with her dad and grandpa. She was adorable. She had these googly eye, slinky glasses that she put on and then ran around a pillar, basically playing peek-a-boo with Ariel and me. It was super cute. Her dad and grandpa were on their phones. It just makes me sad that we don't live in the here and now as a society. I looked around the waiting area, and two of the seven people sitting there were not on their phones, not counting me and Ariel. 

We were taken back to our table by the host, who I'm going to call Serg, as in sergeant. He's the one that's been at Olive Garden as a host forever and is there all the time. So Serg takes us back and asks about the Pasta Pass. We told him that they usually cost 100 dollars, but that we won our on Twitter, so of course we're going to come and get the most out of them possible. He was shocked that most days we were eating Olive Garden for both lunch and dinner. As are we Serg, as are we.

It was super busy, which is bad because it's harder to eavesdrop on those around me when it's loud. Kiddy corner to our table, there was a fat Oscar Bluth. I just wanted him to make some comment about how was probably my dad, and have soft mood music play in the background. His wife was in a skirt, but did not know how to sit like a lady. It was gross. 

Friend/cousin/dwarf Beard stopped by our table, just to catch up. We just want to be friends so bad. He asked how our night was. He said he was having a good night too. I thought that was good, since he could have complained about being at work on a Friday night at eight o'clock. I think he is pretty good friends with Man Bun though. Back when I was a server, I was really good friends with the people I worked with, so maybe he was having a good night. 

Speaking of Man Bun, he was our server. He brought out our Dr.Peppers, and our Zuppa Toscanas, but hollow belly hit me. The syndrome where my belly is empty, but rebels against another round of Olive Garden. When my Mezzaluna Ravioli (Mezzaluna means half moon, according to the google search the lady next to us did) with Five Cheese Marinara and Crispy Chicken Fritta arrived I was stoked. But my first bite was a gross piece of chicken fritta. Sometimes it's like... gross. My hollow belly was not appeased. I pushed all the chicken off the ravioli, but most of the sauce went with the chicken. All in all, I was pretty disappointed. It's my own fault, I should have asked for a second bowl of something else.

The couple seated behind us was on, what we think was, an early date. Like, not in a committed relationship, but not a first date either. They seemed to know each other, but not super well. But, during the meal, they both answered their phones. Come on! So, we were unsure what their relationship status was. When they left they walked behind Ariel and she whispered urgently to me, "Are they touching? Are they touching?" He had his hand on the small of her back. We're still unconvinced as to their relationship.

Oscar Bluth and his unladylike wife got up, and so did Cruella Deville. I hadn't been able to see her because of a wall, but she was terrifying. Really I think of any old, remotely stylish woman, in black and white as Cruella Deville, and so should you. But this woman smiled, and it was like she was going to use my leftover fritta-ed chicken skins to make sandals. You know what I'm talking about. Terrifying. 

A pale-faced female server came to our table and said, "I was on break, but I'm back. I'm your server." We were already finished and all she had to do was run our Pasta Passes. It took her forever. I don't care what she said, Man Bun was our server that night. 

Visit 28:

Monetary value: $38.80

Total: $904.06

Weight Fluctuation today: -2.6 lbs (I was up exactly 2.6 yesterday)

Total:  + 2.8lbs from beginning weight