I wanted to add that it was our second time going during this
promotion, but the word "second" ruins the "T"
alliteration. Why isn’t it “Tecond” or something?
Today Ariel and I wanted to have lunch together. Last year I
worked very far away from her work, and not close to an Olive Garden. This
year, we have an Olive Garden almost right between our respective jobs. So we decided
to have a nooner (that’s what I’m calling eating lunch at noon with your wife.
That word isn’t already taken is it?) So we met up at Olive Garden for our
nooner.
We usually go to an Olive Garden that is close to our house, and
right next to a retirement community. It’s warm, and friendly, and has an
interesting architecture (interesting when compared at least). The Olive Garden
between where we work is located in what is jokingly referred to as the Asian
District. There are many offices close by, and yes, many Asians.
The room I was taken to had the feel of a castle’s great hall, if
that castle were funded by corporate America.
The room was even being waited on by a giant and
a dwarf. By which I mean a huge, broad guy and a short, stocky girl. But please,
don’t think of that as an insult. The guy made me feel safe, and the girl
exhibited the finesse of hand that her dwarven heritage brings one to expect.
I didn't really know where to put this picture, but look at this picture of a woman with horrible stomach pain trying to pick some grapes. Why would you put that on the wall of a restaurant?
The giant brought out food for the table of four
Asians next to me. There seemed to be some confusion. He kept saying, “Meatball
sandwich. Who ordered the meatball sandwich? Meat.Ball.Sand.Wich.” And the
Asians starred at him blankly. He moved on and handed out the rest of the
orders. When the other three had their orders, he explained to the woman who
still had an empty spot in front of her, that she had ordered a meatball
sandwich. Apparently she had wanted spaghetti. The giant went away to right the
wrong. I knew I could put my trust in his big arms.
I ordered the Rigatoni with New! Pesto Alfredo
and Chicken Fritta. It was the picture on the menu, and it was delicious, even
though the chicken was a little over fritta-ed.
There
was an old couple across the room. I noticed them because they were both
smiling a lot and both had nice teeth. Wouldn’t it be nice to have dentures and
just remove them and polish them while watching TV or something? Anyway, the
old couple was sitting on the same side of the booth. It was cute. My wife and
I do that sometimes and I hope we still do it sometimes when we’re as old as
the denture commercial couple.
Half
way through the meal another older couple came in. They were dressed the way we
should all be dressed. She was in a nice dress, not ballroom or anything, just
a simple nice “going out to eat” dress. He wore a shirt and tie and suit vest.
A suit vest at Olive Garden. He even pulled the chair out, and held it for her
as she sat down. That couple sure had a classy nooner.
Visit
2:
Monetary
value: $32.35.
Total:
$60.39
After
our lunch date, Ariel and I couldn’t wait to get back to our native Leisure
World Olive Garden for dinner. That’s the name of the retirement community by
our Olive Garden. Most people call it Seizure World.
When
I walked up to the hostess podium, there was mass confusion. A lady had placed
an order to go, and the hostess didn’t seem to have any record of it. They were
checking phone numbers, asking every employee that walked by, and generally
working themselves into a frenzy. They acknowledged me, and went back to their
quest for answers. But another hostess soon walked up and started to help
someone else, and the frazzled hostess spoke up and said that I was first, so
that was nice.
Leisure
World did not disappoint tonight. I sat across from an old couple. The man
looked like a cross between Burt Reynolds and Sir Ian McKellen. As he ate, he literally
moaned with satisfaction. I’ll have what he’s having. And I did. It was the
fettuccine with the New! Chicken Pomodoro. First Cavatappi, now Pomodoro, those
Italians sure love using the same vowels in their words.
After
a while, another old couple joined our room. This man looked like, Clint
Eastwood meets Bob Barker… mixed with Burt Reynolds. Why do all old men have a
Burt Reynolds quality? Clintbobburt’s wife was shown to a table with four table
settings and she said, “A table for four? We’re only two.” To which the hostess replied, “Yeah, we’re
fancy.” And Clintbobburt said, “And you’ve
even got the special chairs that roll!” I just want to travel the world with
old people.
Clintbobburt’s
wife began to play a game on the ziosk. Let’s talk about the ziosk for a
minute.
The
ziosk is basically an ipad mini on a stand that lets you order drinks,
appetizers, deserts, and even pay your bill without needing a server. That’s my
first problem with the ziosk. Why are we letting this machine take away
American jobs?! I have worked as a server, I’ve also worked retail, and even as
a bag boy/cart attendant at a grocery store. And I like having work to do. If
we keep replacing people with machines we’ll just spiral down into a world like
that terrible, post apocalyptic movie where machines took over the humans. You
know the one, WALL-E. That’s why I
always try to go through a checkout stand manned by a human. Ringing people up
has been my job, and I think we should continue to pay people to do that. When
I decide I don’t want an item that I’ve carried away from somewhere, I just put
it on a random shelf. I have had the job of taking things from where customers
have left them and returning them to their rightful place; it was part of my
job, and I was happy to have work. That’s why I’ll leave my trash by my seat at
a movie theater, that’s why I put my cart by the tree, not in the cart bin,
that’s why I’m generally a terrible person when I know someone else will have
to clean up my mess, BECAUSE I SUPPORT AMERICAN JOBS.
Secondly,
the ziosk has games on it. Yes, it was cute that the old woman at Olive Garden
was playing a touch screen game, like she was a modern day adolescent or
something, but what about the children. It makes me sick when I see kids
playing the games on the ziosk. You have to pay for those games. Why would a
parent pay to let a kid play a game that they could probably download onto
their own devices for free? And why are kids playing games anyway? Whatever
happened to coloring on the placemats?
But,
then I thought about the ziosk games like an arcade. Remember when all the good
pizza places used to have arcades? You could take your mom’s quarters and go
play Turtles in Time, X-men, Mortal Kombat, or Battle Toads. Those were the
days. So, when I look at it like that I’m less opposed.
I
also like being able to pay right from the table without waiting for the
server.
So
while Clintbobburt’s wife played her ziosk games, Sir Ian McReynolds and his wife
continued to eat their meal with much exclamation. They ordered some cheesecake
and joked with the busman (a man in his 50’s shouldn’t be called a busboy)
about it being his favorite desert as well. When the cheesecake arrived, a new
symphony of delight sprung up from their table. The wife of Sir Ian McReynolds shouted
across the aisle to Clintbobburt and his wife. “If you have room, the Sicilian
Cheesecake is awesome!”
Sir
Ian McReynolds had their server help them pay through the ziosk (you’re digging
your own grave son), and he and his wife seemed very concerned about the receipt
being “emailed to home.” As I got up and
walked past them to leave, Sir Ian McReynolds’s wife took another bite of her
cheesecake and exhaled, “Oh my gosh!”
Visit
3:
Weight
fluctuation today: + 2.4 LBS (this does not bode well)
Total:
+ 2.4 LBS
Monetary
value: $28.04
Total:
$88.43
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